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Submitted on
May 19
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 I met her by the vending machines.
We spoke in breaths…and that’s it.

It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
Naked speech, we had nothing to hide.
We painted our names red in the skyline.
And nights we kissed the stars and waved goodbye.

I could have stay there until I died.
Until my heart became coffin nails.
Only she could have made me live like this,
Off of crappy food and TV static.

We made the moon bow down to us.
And the stars worship us.
Could have survived in space
From the air exhaled by the two us

Can’t go on like this.
With this ardent love.
This place returns my sense
For while.

Ever loved something so much it hurt your stomach?  
She had me so high; thought I found Jesus.
She rode off in that bus; never saw her again.
Close the book, even fairy-tales ends.
 
I don’t know why I sank this ghost ship
I guess some secrets you just keep on your lips.
Other you use to touch the stars
Like diamonds you’ve dreamt of from afar.

I remember you well
From that hotel.
I closed my eyes
And you said,

Can’t go on like this.
With this ardent love.
This place returns my sense
For while.
For a while
For a while
For a while

Can’t go on like this.
With this ardent love.
This place returns my sense
For while.

Can’t go on like this.
With this ardent love.
This place returns my sense
For while.
A song about heartbreak, we've all been there, Let the melodies sooth your pain.

Based on true events, though I changed details. For one, it was a park not a hotel..but hotels are so much cooler.

Listen to it here: youtu.be/8Q0ezoJyfdY
FREE DOWNLOAD: tinyurl.com/oc5fhyo

------------------------
Links:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/DylanSetoArti…
Bandcamp: dylanseto.bandcamp.com/
SoundCloud: soundcloud.com/dylanseto
Deviantart: xxdraxx.deviantart.com/
Youtube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCuQA8…
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:iconpapetto-manipyureta:
papetto-manipyureta Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Interesting piece. I was intrigued hearing a familiar chord triad throughout the song ww

Looks like I'll just repeating what everyone is saying (the tempo). Anything other I say is work on the dictation; it sounds a bit slurred. 
Reply
:iconpunctualturtle:
PunctualTurtle Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Student General Artist
Hi, I listened to your song! I'm not a huge rap fan, but your song is really beautiful. I LOVE the lyrics. The instruments are wonderfully composed and synchronized. However, you sounded a bit...out of breath? Or like you couldn't keep up or something. It's a little "off". I'd also recommend that you seek a wider range of vocal pitches. You're staying within a pretty narrow range, is that your comfort zone? You're good at carrying a note and changing pitches within that range, but a wider vocal range would probably fit the song better and make it more "interesting".

P.S. I'm not trying to criticize you, I just want to give constructive feedback. You can sing 10000x better than me... I sound like a dying wallaby >.<
Reply
:iconxxdraxx:
xxdraxx Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Student Artist
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconthesisters2:
TheSisters2 Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2014  New member Student General Artist
Hey, I just listened to this on YouTube, and it's wonderful. Better than many songs today.-Chrissy
Reply
:iconxxdraxx:
xxdraxx Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Student Artist
Thanks :D
Reply
:iconjustdirt:
JustDirt Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014
My dad always tells me to go by the meaning of the song, not the beat. Of course, I agree with people who say that you ran out of breath during the rap, but to be more fair, I'd like to say the lyrics were worded beautifully. I can't be descriptive to save a life, but those lyrics are just amazing, to say the least. I can't wait to see more.
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:iconxxdraxx:
xxdraxx Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Student Artist
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconkisalovesllamaz:
kisalovesllamaz Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Nice :3 could use a bit of work but really good
Reply
:iconxxdraxx:
xxdraxx Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2014  Student Artist
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconsomeonesecho:
someonesecho Featured By Owner May 27, 2014
I agree with diana8651
it's quite alright, but the timing feels a lil' off and you often sound out of breath with the rap and such. I say that you should learn to find your own pace that you're comfortable with and work from there. But I don't know, it's just my opinion, so yeah
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