Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconxxdraxx: More from xxdraxx


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
September 30, 2012
File Size
323 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
981
Favourites
91 (who?)
Comments
53
×
I left my heart's door open,
But no one walked in.
I laughed but no one laughed with me.
All that's left is a symphony.
It's coming from the back of my heart.
I'm waiting for someone to hear it.
Will you listen?
WIll you listen?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconempty-emotion:
The emotion that is in this poem is strong. I like it. What I see is a jumble of emotions under a cloud of sadness and loneliness.
I like the contrast between your actions and the lack of response of others. This produces that extreme sense of loneliness and sets the mood for the rest of the poem.
Now, on the fourth line, you put "All that's left is a symphony." I love that line! When I read that part, I can hear a single sound made from many parts. Just like a single emotion is never simple, neither is any one sound from a symphony.
The question at the end is good. It engages the reader.
Also, I like the sudden change of focus, from "I" to "you". It helps the reader feel the emotion.


P.S. This is my first critique. I hope it helps!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconlady-luck03:
It's sometimes tricky to critique something so short, but this is a very well written piece. The conceit of the poem is great. I see a war of emotions covered by a blanket of loneliness which really makes the vision clearer.
The literal meaning is great and creative and again that really adds to the poem's conceit. My favorite line is the fifth one. It creates an image of distance and I feel like I'd have to do a great deal to be able to hear that symphony.
The poem is also economized very well. It has just the right amount of words that are organized in a good manner.

Good job and thank you for the read. I enjoyed it.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 5 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconmarijeklei:
MarijeKlei Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014
I really like this one, well done!
Reply
:iconxxdraxx:
xxdraxx Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014  Student Artist
Thanks you!
Reply
:iconpoisonousvapors:
POisOnOUsVaPOrs Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
great piece! full of emotion keep it up!
:llama:
Reply
:iconxxdraxx:
xxdraxx Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Student Artist
Thanks!
Reply
:iconpoisonousvapors:
POisOnOUsVaPOrs Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
welcome
Reply
:iconquiteloner:
QuiteLoner Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is a really good poem I love it
and I will listen
Reply
:iconxxdraxx:
xxdraxx Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Artist
^^ thanks~~
Reply
:iconquiteloner:
QuiteLoner Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
^^
Reply
:iconkthejaybee3:
Kthejaybee3 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
<3 I like it
Reply
:iconxxdraxx:
xxdraxx Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Artist
thank yew ^^
Reply
Add a Comment: